Please Make the Pain Go Away
by Lil Gold Fishie
Summary: Lily Evans goes to Hogwarts as an exchange student from America. There, she meets the Marauders, whom she doesn't like much at first. But when her past comes back to haunt her, who will she turn to? Future LilyxJames and cussing. Please R&R!
1. Student Exchanges and Broomstick Head?

Hi everyone!! This is my first Harry Potter fic, hope it's okay. And jus so you know, the title will make sense eventually . . . -_-;; I didn't know what else to call it . . . anyway, hope you enjoy!  
  
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Oh god. Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.  
  
I can't believe I actually agreed to do this. Man, Professor Smith is gonna get a looong letter once I get to this place.  
  
I feel totally out of place, wearing my tight green tank top, blue jean capris and sneakers. Great, I just heard some guy whisper to his little gang of friends as I passed by. "She doesn't look like she's from here.wonder what year she's in?" Oh god. I hate people thinking and talking about me. Professor Smith said that it's strange that for such an "aggressive" and "tough" girl who looks she doesn't care about anything in the world can be bothered by people thinking about her. I'm funny that way.  
  
I turn back to the guy, who was still looking at me and chatting with his pals and glare at him. He looks taken aback; no wonder, I've seen myself glare in the mirror and I look menacing. I glare at the guy for another few seconds, then go back to walking towards the train with a flip of my hair.  
  
Because I was at Platform 9 and 3/4, where I was about to board a train to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Who really uses the train anymore for transportation anymore? It's so old, I think to myself. And what kind of bullshit name is Hogwarts anyway? From the moment Professor Smith told me about the exchange program with Salem and Hogwarts, I was not inclined in going. Salem was practically my home. After my parents were murdered and Petunia started hating me when I got my Salem letter, Salem had become my home. While Petunia was at some orphanage in Texas, I stayed at Salem for all of the holidays. I wanted to stay with Petunia at first, I really did, but she was just so mean to me now I couldn't stand being around her anymore. It's horrible, she acts as though I'm some sort of freak or something that's rolled around in the dirt. We used to be best friends. We would do everything together; we'd go horseback riding, skating, shopping at the nearby mall. When we were younger we would play hopscotch on our driveway and play house when it was raining. At school she would look out for me and tell off bullies that tried to pick on her little sister, and at home we would talk all night until out parents yelled at us to be quiet at two a.m., threatening to ground both of us in separate rooms. Now.  
  
I snapped out of my thoughts as a whistle blew somewhere down the platform. I'd better get on before the train leaves without me! As I lugged my two suitcases up the narrow little stairs, my mind trailed back to Professor Smith. He was the Headmaster and Transfiguration teacher at Salem, and also somewhat of a father to me. He knew both of my parents personally; he had met them at a World Youth Day a long time ago. Unlike most witches and wizards, Steve - which is what I call him when I'm not in class - is a Catholic and proud of it. He's not strict about it though, he's open to any opinions about anything, including homosexuality, and even makes jokes about it every once in a while. He also isn't bothered by "rough language", as he calls it, being known to tell students to shut up and teachers to fuck off. I smiled at those memories. Good thing too, because when I write to him I'm gonna put in a good deal about threatening to kick his ass when I go back for Christmas break. He was the one who talked me into becoming an exchange student to this "Hogwarts", where he said the headmaster - Dumbeldoor, was it? - taught him everything he knows. He said it would give me an opportunity to meet knew people. At which I grumbled back that there were plenty of walking human beings at Salem. Then he suddenly became serious and said.hmm what was it? I thought as I looked for an empty compartment. Oh yeah. "Come on now Lily, you know what I mean. The only good friend you have here is Joey, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing," he added as I opened my mouth to say something. "But what I mean is that I hate to see you in classes. You're always so bored and alone, since Joey is a year younger than you. You act all tough and rude to other people, but inside you were still the scared, lost little girl I met on your first day here. I know you tried to change, but you had already made a lasting image for your peers. Getting back to the point, I think that going to the U.K. would be a great opportunity for you. The people there will not know you, so you can make some more friends with a fresh start. Please, Lily, will you at least think about it? I just want to see you happy."  
  
Most people would have been offended by this kind of speech, but I was touched. Professor Smith had always tried to help me, to help break down the barrier that hid the real me behind it. And he had, at that moment. I broke down crying, I was so touched. Someone actually cared about me. For the first time in nearly five years, I felt loved. Professor Smith then rushed over to me and said, "What's wrong, Lily?" I just looked up and said, "You get it." He smiled, hugged me, and said, "Yeah.I do." I just sobbed into his shirt. 'He understands, he really understands what it's like to be me.'  
  
I smiled to myself, at the same time missing him and Joey terribly. I had promised to write at twice a month, depending on how nice the teachers were.  
  
Finally, I found an empty compartment near the end of the train. I hauled my suitcases onto the rack above the seats and settled down into a chair by the window. The train had already started moving, and now all there was outside the window was endless pasture, with a few cows here and there. I got out my CD player and started listening to my current favorite song. I don't know what it's called because I burned it, but it's that one by Sum 41 that goes, So am I, still waiting, for this world to start hating? Can't find a, good reason, can't find hope to believe in. I can listen to that song over and over again. I was listening to that song for about the fifth time when a bunch of guys burst into my compartment and immediately burst out laughing. I ignored them, hoping that they would notice me and go away. They really didn't want to mess with me. But noooo, they continued laughing as though I wasn't even there. Finally I took my ear phones off and gave them an icy glare, saying loudly, "Who the fuck are you, what the fuck do you want, and what the fuck are you doing in here? Can't you see I'm trying to listen to some music?"  
  
They all stopped laughing and stood staring at me, as if just noticing I was sitting right there in front of them. From the dumbfounded looks on their faces, I thought amusedly that they probably weren't too bright. I noticed that these were the same guys that were very rudely talking about me earlier. The one who I had heard specifically, who had messed-up black hair that looked as if it hadn't been combed in a few years, suddenly smiled and spoke up.  
  
"Oh, it's you! I'm James, and these prats here are Sirius, Remus and Peter."  
  
What nerve! "I don't doubt you about the prats part. That's very nice, now can you get the fuck out?"  
  
His grin disappeared, replaced with a frown. "What's with the language? What did we do? Who are you, anyway?"  
  
"Jesus...I'm Lily, an exchange student from Salem in America. Now can you please leave?"  
  
"Is that how all Americans greet each other?" "No, just this one."  
  
At this they all stared at me for a moment, before the mousy-looking kid that comb-deprived kid had called Peter said, "C'mon guys.let's just leave her alone."  
  
"Nah, I don't think we will, man. She's way too good looking. I have to claim her before someone else does. I think I'll stick around and cheer this lady up." And then that James guy comes right up to me, sits down, and slides an arm around my shoulders.  
  
I jumped up, fuming and fists clenched. "You have no idea who you're dealing with, hot-shot. For one thing, I'm way out of your league. But on the other hand if you want to make me so happy you can achieve that by getting the fuck out of here!" I was so angry!  
  
"Aw, come now babe," he said, standing up again and walking over to stand right in front of me. "Give me a chance, hm?" He slid a finger down my cheek.  
  
Steam was practically coming out of my ears as I stepped back and raised my hand threateningly. He flinched, backing away a little, but his face remained the same, as if he had this 'in the bag'. "Oh come on, I was just having a little fun!"  
  
How dare he?! How dare he try to take advantage of me and treat me as an object like this?! What nerve! I glared at him again, then smirked. "Oh yeah?" I said. "Then now it's my turn." And with that I slammed the heel of my palm to whack him right on the nose, only a little upwards, just like I was taught in Karate. There was a sickening crack as my hand connected with his face, and he stumbled backwards, falling into a seat with his hands pressed to his nose.  
  
"Fuck!" he yelled, trying to wipe away some of the blood that was dripping onto his pants. Then, when he regained composure, he stood up and said, "Feisty chick. I like you already."  
  
That was the last straw. I kicked him right in the balls right then and there and punched him in the stomach, twice, for good measure. His three comrades just stood there, stunned, watching as I beat the shit out of Broomstick Head here. After I punched him twice, he backed away, yelling, "Alright, ALRIGHT! I GET THE FUCKIN POINT, GODDAMIT!!"  
  
"Good," I said as icily as possible, my eyes flashing and blazing with fury. "Then get out."  
  
"As you wish," said the guy called Remus weakly, before Broomstick Head could answer. "C'mon James, let's go."  
  
They pushed their friend out the compartment door, James glaring angrily over their shoulders. I glared right back. I don't care if I get expelled for this, he deserved every bit of what he got. And I plan to give it to him again if he ever pulls anything like that again. I heard one of them mumble as they leave, "I sure hope she doesn't end up in Gryffindor."  
  
Gryffindor? What's that? Oh well, whatever it was, I privately agreed.  
  
I sighed, sat back down on the seat by the window and put my earphones back on. As I listened to some other song that I seemed to like, I thought to myself, "This is gonna be a long year."  
  
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Thanks for reading . . . drop me a review, will you? 


	2. Hogwarts

I soon realized that it was beginning to grow dark, so I changed into my new robes that I had purchased at a place called Diagon Alley two days before. 'Ugh,' I thought, 'I hate wearing skirts.' The only reason why I'm wearing one was because Steve (that's what I call Professor Smith) told me to; he said that that's what is normal in the U.K. 'Well that's great, but this a rare occasion, I'm only wearing it because it's my first day. Or night. Whatever.' When I put in on though, it came most ungracefully down past my knees. And it was supposed to be size 'small!' I used a shortening charm so that it came to about mid-thigh. There. Much better – for a skirt. Then I pulled on a white blouse and a sweater, and pulled the cloak over top everything else. I really hated wearing wizarding clothes, but I didn't really have much of a choice – considering I was a witch.  
  
Soon the train pulled to a stop and I dragged my two suitcases off the train. As I stepped onto the platform, I saw a glimpse of lights behind the station. That must be 'Hogsmeade,' I think to myself. 'Steve told me about that place. He kept talking about some pub called Three Broomsticks. Hmm, I'll have to check it out sometime.' I was walking towards the carriages pulled by Thestrals, which are creatures that can only be seen by people who have seen someone die, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  
  
"Are you Lily Evans?" said the stern looking woman.  
  
"Yeah," I replied. "Can I help you?"  
  
She raised her eyebrows and a few onlookers gasped. This was obviously a very well-known someone who isn't used to being messed with. "I am Professor McGonagal, the Transfiguration teacher here and the Deputy Headmistress," the lady said, slightly miffed. "Since you are here for the first time, you must go with the first years to be sorted into a house. That is," she said, seeing the confused look on my face, "Hogwarts has four different groups that eat together, go to classes together, and sleep in the same dormitories. Before the opening feast you must go and be sorted into a house."  
  
"Okay..." I said slowly, nodding. "So where do I go...?"  
  
"Just follow Hagrid, our gamekeeper," she told me, pointing to a huge man leading a bunch of first years, yelling "Firs' years, comin' through! Firs' years, this way!" "He'll lead you with the rest of them. You can leave your trunks in that pile over by the gate."  
  
"Okay," I said again. I nodded my head to the teacher, and then proceeded to heave my suitcases over to the pile. After much huffing and puffing, I ran to catch up with 'the little people' and Hagrid. When I caught up, I just stayed in the back of the group.  
  
"Alrigh', ye'll be gettin' yer firs' look a' Hogwarts in a sec...just roun' this bend..." The group went around the bend as he said and they all seemed to gasp as one. Even I took a breath quickly, the castle was so beautiful, with all its towers and flickering lights in all the windows, overlooking a glassy lake. I quickly changed my expression into a blank one again. I learned over the years that if you show emotion too easily then people could read you like an open book. I, however, prefer not to be read.  
  
The crowd of nervous-looking pre-teens clambered into boats when Hagrid told them to. I just stood there, not really wanting to, until Hagrid had to drag me into his own boat, in which I just sat at the far end and scowled. I wasn't in the greatest mood. I was in fifth year; I didn't want to be with these little kids. Sighing, I continued to stare ahead as some of the other kids stared at me, but looked away quickly when I caught their eyes. I smirked. 'Probably wondering why someone older than them is here,' I thought.  
  
When the boats finally arrived at the opposite bank, everyone hopped out and followed Hagrid again, and I, again, followed silently in the back. This Hagrid guy led us into the castle and then through a set of huge wooden doors, into a huge room with four long tables, where the rest of the students were assembled, and another long table where who I presumed were teachers sat. Hagrid led us to the front of the room, where a small stool on which a very frayed-looking old hat sat.  
  
The lady I met at the platform, Professor McGonagal or whatever, started to call out names. Each time a name was called the kid with that name came up, placed the hat on their head, and after a few moments the hat called out a name, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Griffindor. 'Hmph, now I know what that guy on the train meant when he hoped I wasn't in Griffindor. That must be where he and his little friends are.'  
  
After "Doyle, Emily!" was sorted into Ravenclaw, I waited for my name to be called. But to my surprise, the hat skipped me, and the teacher went right to "Filipa, George!" I stared at the teacher exasperatedly, only to get no response. My unease grew stronger as I was soon the only person left standing there. 'What the hell is going on?! Is this how all newcomers are greeted? I personally do not appreciate standing here like a freakin' idiot!' The students began to whisper to one another among their tables. I was just about to turn around and give them my death glare when an old man sitting at the middle of the teachers' table stood, and the room fell silent.  
  
"Hello everyone, and welcome back to another year at Hogwarts! Before I say the start-of-term announcements, it is with great pleasure that we welcome Miss Lily Evans, a student participating in our exchange program with Salem Institute of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Welcome, Miss Evans!" There was a polite applause around the room.  
  
Professor McGonagal gestured to me with her hand to go and sit on the stool. So I walked over and plopped the weird old hat on my head. What happened next nearly made me fall off the stool. It talked to me.  
  
"Hmm, tough decision, very difficult indeed . . ." I heard it whisper in my head. "Let me see, you are cunning like Slytherin, but I think you can do better then that . . . a good bit of intelligence here I see, but Ravenclaw will be no good for you, you're too out-going, and no, not Hufflepuff, you're no follower . . . Hmmm, and I see you have had past experiences like no others, and there is much bravery, honesty, and loyalty in you, even if you need some help finding it. So better be . . . GRYFFINDOR!"  
  
The hat yelled out the last word to the entire hall, so I grumpily took the hat off, put it back onto the stool, and walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat down at the very end, expression blank. 'Great, just great . . .' I kept repeating this to myself as I stared straight ahead during the old man's announcements. 'No. I don't want to be around those four bozos. Can't I ask the hat to put me somewhere else?'  
  
"And now, we eat!" the old man called, and immediately the tables filled with food, and lots of it. Gratefully, I took some chicken that was nearest to my plate, plopped down some mashed potatoes, and ate. I didn't eat much; I don't think I've had a full meal since my parents were killed. It's become a habit, but it's not that bad. To make up for not eating large meals, I drank protein shakes and did many physical activities to stay strong. I may be skinny, but I sure ain't weak. That James guy who's ass I kicked should know. Speaking of which, I looked down the table in search of those dumbass boys. I spotted them about halfway down, laughing and chatting among themselves. I noticed that Broomstick Head got his nose fixed up as it was no longer bleeding and had no bandages. But when the guy sitting next to him accidentally elbowed him in the gut, he winced noticeably. 'Heh, serves him right,' I thought. He caught me looking at him and glared at me. I glared right back. Again. We kept our eyes on the other's eyes for a minute, when he broke the gaze and muttered something to his friends. Then they all looked over at me. 'Geez, can you be any more subtle?'  
  
Soon, dinner was over and I asked Professor McGonagal where the dormitories were. She gave me directions and the password for some "fat lady's portrait," so I thanked her and left. I found the portrait easily, and when it swung to one side I went into the gap behind it. Inside the "common room," as I heard some people call it, there were lots of cushy chairs and couches, and a large, roaring fire with a mural of a huge lion above it. I looked around. People were starting to leave and go up two staircases.  
  
"Excuse me," I asked a girl nearby. "Um, where do the girls sleep?"  
  
"Oh," she answered, "Go up the staircase on the left and just keep poking your head through the doors until you find a room with your stuff in it."  
  
"Okay, thanks a lot," I said, and headed up the staircase.  
  
All the rooms along this set of stairs had at least 4 beds in it, but my stuff wasn't in any of them. Finally, I reached the room at the very top of the stairs, where I found a rather large room with two beds, but only my stuff was there. Confused, I closed the door behind me and took a look around.  
  
The room was very nice, much nicer than the room I shared with two other girls at Salem. There was a bathroom with a bathtub, a shower, and a sink with a large cabinet to keep things in decorated white and sky blue. It had a window with a white curtain in front of it. The main room had, again, two beds, two sets of drawers, a large desk, a closet, and a large mirror which said "Why, hello!" when I walked in. This room was decorated in white and different shades of blue. It looked, in short, really nice. There was also a large empty space where I suppose you can put other stuff, like a TV or a workout mat or whatever else that I brang that was large. I unpacked my stuff, putting my clothes away in the drawers, my robes and shoes in the closet, and my bathroom accessories in the bathroom cabinet. I put all of my books on the shelf on the wall by the table, and set up my workout mat for the next morning. I also found a spell that can make electrical devices work at Hogwarts before I came here, so using it I set up my TV, lab top, and sound system that I used a shrinking spell on before I came here. Good thing too, because if I hadn't then I would've looked silly carrying all those huge boxes with electrical equipment. Lastly, I hung my punching bag in the far corner of the room, which I also shrunk before I arrived in the U.K.  
  
Exhausted, I fell down onto the king-sized bed, which was really comfy. I changed into a sports bra and boxer shorts (my pajamas for tonight; I didn't feel like finding anything else) and then looked at my schedule.  
  
"Hmm, breakfast is at 7 a.m. Then I got transfiguration, charms, lunch, history of magic, and potions. Joy." I said to myself.  
  
I looked at the clock. It's only 10:30? Hm, I thought it was later than that.  
  
"Oh well," I said to myself again (I tend to do that a lot), "I better get to sleep anyway. Gotta get up bright and early tomorrow for my daily workout."  
  
As I was setting my alarm clock to 5:30, I heard a knock at the door. Grabbing a robe to wrap around me, I stood and walked over to it.  
  
I opened the door to see the old man from the feast that night. "Hello Lily, my name is Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster here at Hogwarts. I wonder, may I come in?"  
  
I stared at Dumbledore for a minute, unnerved by his kindness, then snapping out of it I stepped aside saying, "Sure, yeah, c'mon in."  
  
Dumbledore smiled and entered the room. He then sat down at a chair nearby and motioned for me to do so as well.  
  
"I see you have made yourself at home already, good, good. So, Lily, how do you like Hogwarts so far?" he asked.  
  
"Um...I haven't seen enough of it to have an opinion about it . . . but it's alright, I guess. It isn't Salem, but it's nice. It's also really big." I answered bluntly.  
  
Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes, it is quite a bit larger than Salem, isn't it? I think that perhaps maybe after a week or so you'll be able to find your way to your classes fine. I think you will enjoy your stay here, the teachers are the best in Europe, but you will find that most of them have rather strict expectations. Professor Smith tells me that you are very intelligent in all subjects, but you lose marks because of tardiness. Is that correct?"  
  
I nodded glumly. "I've never really been very organized or good at actually doing stuff. I understand and know it all just fine, but I tend to slack off a bit . . ."  
  
"Yes, I see. Well, I think you will find the work rather easy here at first; Salem has a very rigorous curriculum in the first year, so you will find that you are maybe almost a year ahead of everyone your own age. You will, however, probably start to see some new things in a few months; so don't worry about skipping ahead a year or anything of such. In the meantime, you can start to get to know the students and teachers better and find your way around the school."  
  
"Yes, sir," I answered.  
  
"Any questions?"  
  
"Yeah, a couple, sir."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"Well," I began, "Sir, I am very active, and I work out daily, so I was wondering if there are any sports facilities, like a gym or a lane pool or something . . . ?"  
  
"Hmm," said Dumbledore, frowning, "I'm afraid not, Lily. The only sports teams we have at Hogwarts are the Quidditch house teams, so we have a Quidditch field, but that's all. But . . ." he broke off.  
  
"Yes?" I asked tentatively.  
  
"There is a room that only a few students know of in this school called the Room of Requirement. If one passed by this room three times thinking of what they need, a doorknob appears and a room behind it contains whatever the searcher needs. For example," he said, chuckling, "last time I passed it I was on my way to the lavatories, I passed it three times looking for them and the room contained a large collection of chamber pots."  
  
"Okay, thanks sir," I giggled. "Can you mark it on my school map?"  
  
"Certainly," he said, and he did so. "Anything else?"  
  
"Um . . . why are there two beds in this room?"  
  
"Ah, yes, I almost forgot. If you wish you may invite someone to stay here for any of the holidays from Salem. Professor Smith told me of someone you would want to invite . . . Joey, was it?"  
  
My eyes lit up. Joey could come? "Yes, sir," I grinned.  
  
"Well, the other bed is for him or for whomever else you may wish to invite to stay. You have my promise that whomever it may be, he or she will have a warm Hogwarts welcome."  
  
"Thank you sir," I said, smiling. I liked Dumbledore. He was a nice guy to talk to.  
  
"Alright then, goodness, is that the time? It's nearly 11, we both need our sleep."  
  
He rose and walked towards the door. I also got up and walked him out.  
  
"Thanks again, sir," I said.  
  
"You are very welcome, Lily. Good night." And with that, he went back down the stairs and out of sight.  
  
Sighing, I took off my robe again, hung it on a chair, and slid into my bed. Thinking of the days to come, I slowly drifted off into sleep . . .  
  
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YAY!! Here's chappie two. Actually, this is the first half of chappie two, I originally had a very looong chappie which I decided to cut in half, sorta. So ya . . . reviews are ALWAYS appreciated, so please do. Review, I mean. ^_^'  
  
Tbc . . . 


	3. One's True Fear

Hey ppls!!! Oh my god she LIVES!!!! Hahaha, yay, I finally updated!! HUZZAH!!! *raises fist in triumph* Sorry, I REAL busy with a whole lotta other stuff, but I'm putting some attention back into this fic again, so don't worry, I'm not brain dead!! I changed the rating to R for the swearing in earlier chapters, thanks to tsuonae for the warning (^_~) !  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the other characters mentioned in the series, but I DO own Joey and Professor Smith, and . . . whoever else I make up . . . if I owned Harry Potter apparently I'd have more money in cash than the queen of England . . . wouldn't that be nice eh? *sighs* So anyway, to the story . . . um . . . enjoy?  
  
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'WAKE UP! WAKE UP, LILY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP, LILY!'  
  
"Hmmm...?" I mumbled from under the sheets. I peeked out from under them and looked at the clock. Groaning, I reached my arm out and pushed the Sleep button, and cries of, "WAKE UP, LILY!" stopped abruptly. Then I got up, stretched, and put on my robe and slippers.  
  
Yawning, I made my way over to the bathroom, where I turned the tap and splashed cold water on my face, waking me up. Then, still slightly drowsy, I started rummaging in my drawers for my grey uniform pants. "Shit," I muttered, when I couldn't find them. I sighed and settled for the skirt I wore yesterday, which was still lying over the chair by my desk. I grabbed it, along with my blouse, sweater, knee socks, swim suit, towel, and other 'female accessories,' plus the map on which Professor Dumbledore marked the location of the Room of Requirement and my wand. I put it all in my bag and walked out the door.  
  
Quietly, I padded down the stairs to an empty Common Room and then out the hole in the wall. The Fat Lady stirred but then fell asleep again. I followed the map until I came to any empty space on a wall in the middle of a corridor, whish I supposed was where this strange room was. So, feeling rather stupid, I walked by it three times thinking, 'I need a place where I can swim, I need a 25 metre pool, I need a place where I can swim . . .'  
  
After walking past the blank space on the wall, a doorknob appeared, just like Dumbledore said. I grabbed the handle, turned, and pulled it open.  
  
On the other side of the door was a pool like I requested, but that wasn't all. There was also a hot tub filled with bubbling water and an enclosed area, which was a shower (complete with shampoo and shower gel and such) when I went to look. There was also a clock on the wall where I could check the time so I won't be late for my first class.  
  
"Perfect!" I said aloud, and started to change into my suit and put my red hair up. When I was done, I took a deep breath and dived into the pool.  
  
It was great; the temperature was just perfect and I was able to have a really good workout. I've always been a swimmer, ever since I was little. Before my parents died, they would take Petunia and me to the neighbourhood pool, and I loved it there. Petunia didn't like swimming as much as I did, but she would go with me every now and then. I would always beg to stay "just five more minutes" when my mom would call to say it was time to go back home. When I was old enough to go there by myself, I would stay in the water until I was all wrinkly like a prune or until my lips turned blue. "Lily, Lily, what are we gonna do with you?" the lifeguard, Jenn, would say to me. Jenn was really cool; she was like a big sister to me, except one that liked to swim. Even though she's five years older than me, we could always talk about anything. She's just another thing I miss from my life before my parents went.  
  
Ever since my parents died and my sister turned her back on me, my world and my ways of thinking have changed drastically. I no longer show much emotion, except when I'm exceptionally happy or angry. When I'm kinda inbetween, like most days, I just act like I'm the only person in the world and like no one else exists. It works very well; I don't bother people and in turn, people don't bother me. Most of the time. That's when I get angry. And when I get angry it's not pretty, let me tell you. Even though I look timid, I sure ain't. I started taking karate lessons just before my parents died, and I have grown up in a place where violence was always around. The leader of a gang lived just down our street and they would always smoke pot and fight in the alleyway near my old elementary school. I wasn't ever a bully, but if someone got on my nerves, they would get it. Like Broomstick Head.  
  
At the thought of that jerk, I swam faster, letting my anger out as I swam. After a few more laps, I wasn't as angry any more, just a little annoyed. Pausing to take a drink, I looked at the clock. 6:15. 'Hmm, I better get out so I can get to breakfast, I'm starving.'  
  
So I got out and headed for the showers. I washed my hair and myself, then rinsed and dried myself off. I used a drying charm to make my hair dry and another charm to make it straight and non-frizzy. Actually, I had to perform that charm about seven times before it actually straightened. Then I quickly pulled it into a stylish messy bun at the back of my head and pulled a few strands out to outline my face. Before I changed into my uniform I also did a deodorizing spell on myself; I didn't want to smell like chlorine all day.  
  
I changed into my uniform, grabbed my stuff, and went back to the dormitories. When I got to the Common Room, I saw that people were just starting to get up; there were maybe ten or fifteen people there, not including, to my delight, Broomstick Head.  
  
I headed back to my room and put my stuff out to dry in the bathroom. I gathered my school things together into my backpack and then paused. I still had a ton of time before I had to go down for breakfast. I stood there thinking of what I should do, when it came to me.  
  
"Joey! I have to tell him about what Dumbledore said, and anyway I promised both him and Steve that I would write."  
  
So I grabbed some paper and a pen (I always use paper and pens instead of parchment and quills unless I'm told not to; I don't know why, I guess I'm just used to it) and headed down to the Common Room with my bag slung over one shoulder.  
  
When I got down I went to an empty desk and started writing. I told both Joey and Steve about the school, the Room of Requirement, my awesome room, and about Dumbledore. I also wrote about my encounter with this "James Potter" on the train, but only to Joey because I didn't want to disappoint Steve already.  
  
By the time I had finished writing the letters, most of the other students had come down already, including Potter and his friends. I still had time though, so I went back to my room to watch some TV. I put it on a music video station, really loud.  
  
"Yes!" I yelled as the opening sounds of a song were made. "I love this song!"  
  
It was "Faint" by Linkin Park, a really cool punk rock group. I started to sing along. I have to say that I sing really nice, just loud.  
  
'I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard,  
  
A handful of complaints but I can't help the fact  
  
That everyone can see these scars  
  
I am what I want you to want  
  
What I want you to feel  
  
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you  
  
To just believe this is real  
  
So I let go, watching you  
  
Turn your back like you always do  
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not  
  
But I'll be here cuz you're all that I've got  
  
~  
  
I can't feel the way I did before  
  
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored  
  
Time won't heal this damage anymore  
  
Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored . . .'  
  
I sang the entire song, dancing in front of my mirror and using my brush as a mike. As I finished singing, the station changed it to another one of my favourite songs: "The Hell Song," by Sum 41, but I knew that I had to get downstairs and to breakfast. I was about to turn off the TV when suddenly I heard some noise from outside my door. It sounded like a whisper. Smiling mischievously, I grabbed the remote, turned the TV off, and then quickly swung the door open.  
  
There, in the doorway, now lay two boys, whom she recognized immediately as Potter and that other guy, Sirius Black. They had obviously had their ears pressed against the door and when I opened it, they had come crashing at my feet.  
  
"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" I said in a calm, but icy voice.  
  
Potter and Black looked up, saw me, and then got up quickly, lowering their heads to hide their double blushes.  
  
"Sorry . . ." muttered Black. "We were just wondering what that music was, and...hey, it's you!" "Yeah it's me. Surprise, surprise." "But how come you have this room? Isn't it usually reserved for guests or something?" asked Potter. I rolled my eyes. "Yes, that is correct, and what the hell do you think I am? Geez, Potter," I said crossing my arms, "you're more dense than I thought." Potter scowled at me. "Whatever. You'd better get down to breakfast, it's like 7:15." He started to walk back down the stairs. "Hey, what's with all the muggle stuff? And the punching bag?" asked Black. Potter stopped to wait for his friend impatiently. I glared. "Why?" "Just wondering." I sighed and slung my bag over my shoulder again. Closing the door and going down the stairs, I replied, "I'm a muggle born, so it's only natural that I have muggle stuff with me." "But that eclectric stuff doesn't work on Hogwarts grounds," Black pointed out. "It's electric, stupid. Yeah, well I found a spell that makes them work. As for the punching bag, I punch at it when I'm pissed, which is often. You should be sorry that I didn't have it unpacked on the train, Potter. It would have saved you a lot of trouble."  
  
Potter scowled, again. "What, Mr. Popular, can't stand up to me? A girl?" I mocked sarcastically. Potter's fisted his hands.  
  
"Yes I can, I just rather not, lucky for you."  
  
"Oh yeah?" I scoffed.  
  
"Yeah," he said, stopping and turning to me.  
  
"Sorry, I have to go and eat breakfast now," I laughed out loud, repeating the excuse that he used earlier to try to get away from me. "Hope I don't see you in class." And with that, I walked off, laughing.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The first week went by rather uneventfully. I continued to use the pool on a daily basis. That room became quite useful, actually. One time, I was so tired from staying up late in front of the TV, so I asked the room to have a bed and have the room stop time outside, so that I got a good three hours of sleep and I wasn't late for class that morning.  
  
Potter and his gang avoided me and I avoided them like a plague. It figures. I usually sat in the back of the classrooms, staring off into nowhere. Dumbledore was right; I was very much ahead of everyone else my age. I answered every single question correctly and performed spells and charms flawlessly. The first thing that was new to me was this potion Professor Quentin introduced on Friday...  
  
It started off like any normal class, with students chatting away and laughing with each other. Only I was sitting in the back, silently. When Quentin entered the classroom (which was in the dungeons), the class immediately dispersed and went to their own seats. All was silent.  
  
"Good afternoon, class. Today, we are going to brew a potion called the Revealing Fear Potion. It reveals the thing you are afraid of most, hence the name. If the potion is brewed correctly, when you drink it you should have flashes of your worst fears in front of your eyes and in your mind. The reason why such a potion even exists is so that the drinker can somewhat 'prepare' him or herself for the future, should they be faced with this fear, for some people only know some things in general that they are afraid of. Most people do not even know what their minds truly fear until they drink this potion.  
  
"Alright, then? The instructions are on the board," he said, flicking his wand at the blackboard. "Begin."  
  
After some shuffling in bags for potion ingredients, we began. I was, naturally, the first to be finished. Quentin noticed this, as I was sitting at my desk, motionless, while the rest were still hard at work.  
  
"Miss Evans!" he called, snapping me out of my daydreaming. "I see that you are finished. Hmm," he said, sniffing and looking at my potion. "Smells right . . . looks right . . . would you care to demonstrate your potion for the class? You will not have to tell them what you see, just if it worked."  
  
I stared at him.  
  
"Well, go on!" he urged, waving towards the front of the room. My face blank, I filled a vial of the blue-green potion and walked to the front of the class. The students watched me, waiting. I vaguely noticed Potter and his friends on the left side of the room. I took a deep breath, then downed the potion.  
  
It tasted like ginger ale, only bitter. A few moments passed when nothing happened, then, suddenly, I felt a strange sensation, as if I was being separated from my body, but at peace. Then suddenly, all I saw was darkness.  
  
I was standing in a dark room. It had a bed with two motionless figures in it. I supposed they were sleeping. Suddenly there was a crash, a blinding green flash, and two, high-pitched, blood-curling screams. As the green light went right past me, I caught a glimpse of the two figures' faces.  
  
Mom. Dad. Oh god . . .  
  
I then heard another scream. It went on and on, like someone being tortured. And then an insistent-sounding voice. "Lily! Miss Evans!"  
  
My eyes shot open. I then realized that that other voice was my own, screaming bloody murder. I immediately closed my mouth and stopped yelling.  
  
I felt dampness on my cheeks and I realized that tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. I also noticed that I was trembling on the ground. I got up, wiping my eyes quickly. I stood there, shaking.  
  
"Miss Evans? Did it work?" The teacher seemed more insistent on if it worked than if I was alright.  
  
I shot him a murderous glance. "Yes, sir." I hissed. And I silently strode back to my seat.  
  
Quentin was quite taken aback by my response, but quickly turned back to the class. "Well, there you have it. Since I see that no one else has completed their potions, I would like everyone except Miss Evans to write me an essay about three of the ingredients in this potion and how they contributed to the effects of the potion. That is all."  
  
Just then the bell rang. I quickly pointed my wand at the rest of the potion in my cauldron, muttering a few well-chosen words so that it disappeared. I put all my stuff into my bag and strode quickly out the door, the first one out, as usual. But this time I had a good reason. I needed out. I had to get away from the pairs of eyes that were staring at me.  
  
I was already in the Common Room when I heard a voice call out, "Lily! Hey Evans, wait up!"  
  
I spun around to see Potter running up to me, panting. He must have chased me all the way back here.  
  
"What the hell do you want, Potter?" I hissed, just like I had to Quentin. I really just wanted to be alone right now.  
  
"Whoa, cool your jets there, Evans, I was just wondering what it is you saw that made you scream and writhe on the floor like a worm." He grinned as he said this. The grin promptly disappeared at the look on my face. It must have been a face of either pure hatred or of pure pain, I don't know, I was feeling both at the moment. I bit my lip, stalling.  
  
"I . . . it . . . just leave me alone, Potter," I whispered, detecting a tremble in my voice. Potter opened his mouth to say something, but I ran up the stairs to my room before he could and before I burst into tears, which I did as soon as I closed my door behind me.  
  
This was weird; I haven't cried a tear since . . . since mom and dad died. But I never knew how it happened. Now I know. Now I know what my worst fear always was. The truth. A witch or a wizard did it. They killed my parents . . .  
  
I just collapsed onto the floor, shuddering with painful, heart-wrenching sobs. I cried for a long time. When I regained my composure to the best of my ability, I checked myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, and my lip was swollen from where I bit it. In short, I looked horrible. I guess I would just have to keep my head down.  
  
I was still sniffling when I went down to supper. I passed Potter on the way. He again opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped and decided against it. He must have seen my eyes. Shit.  
  
Dumbledore. I had to talk to Dumbledore.  
  
I ran up to the table at the end of the Great Hall, and whispered quickly, "Sir, can I talk to you? Privately?"  
  
Sensing the urgency in my voice, he rose immediately and said, "Of course, Lily. Follow me to my office."  
  
When we arrived, I spilled everything. I told him about my parents, about how Petunia hated me, about what I had seen with the potion. When I mentioned the potion, Dumbledore made a sudden, surprised movement.  
  
"Quentin made you drink a Fear Revealing Potion???"  
  
I sniffed. "Y-yes, sir."  
  
"Goodness, then the rumors are true..." he mumbled. There was a long pause. "Not to worry, he will be disposed of," he then said brusquely.  
  
I looked up. "Why, sir?"  
  
"Quentin has been rumored to be a Death Eater, and to try to drive people who are close to me insane. He must have somehow found out about our little chat that first night, you do remember? And that potion is very dark magic; it is not and never will be in the school curriculum. I must say that I am terribly sorry; I am truly shocked by his actions."  
  
"So what he said about the potion was a lie?"  
  
"Yes, I am afraid so. May I inquire on something in what you saw?" he asked gently.  
  
I stiffened. "Uh . . . I guess so . . ."  
  
"I wonder . . . if your parents were murdered by a witch or a wizard . . . and if Quentin is a Death Eater . . . then perhaps . . . perhaps it wasn't your parents they intended . . ."  
  
My eyes widened so much I thought they might pop out. I shook with fear. "Sir . . ." I managed to squeak out. I cleared my throat. "Uh . . . may I stay at the Hospital Wing tonight? I'm not feeling well . . . but I think I should be fine by tomorrow . . ."  
  
"Yes, go on ahead . . . I am sorry if it is my comment that upset you. But bear this in mind . . . it may not be true. It is simply a possibility, alright? And a very slim one at that."  
  
"Yes, sir, thank you sir," I said and rose unsteadily, feeling my knees quake.  
  
"Here, let me help you," he said, also rising and holding my arm and shoulder steadily.  
  
Despite my half-hearted protests, I was also really grateful that he helped me. I felt dizzy, weak, sick to my stomach, and...vulnerable. For the first time I my life, I did not feel safe. I was shaking all over and so distressed that I didn't even notice where Dumbledore was leading me to. I mean, I knew that it was the Hospital Wing, but I didn't see where it was. I was too far away already . . .  
  
His voice snapped me to a slight attention, though. "Excuse me! Will you escort Miss Evans to the Hospital Wing please? I need to have a chat with Professor McGonagal about a certain teacher..." he trailed off, and I felt a new pair of hands holding me up, firmer and stronger ones. I walked about ten meters before I almost collapsed, but these new pair of hands held me tight. They felt . . . comforting . . . warm, and somewhat reassuring.  
  
They led me to a room. I can't give any details, I was feeling really lightheaded now, and I could barely keep my eyes open. I was handed a cup of some kind of liquid, and told to drink it. After that, I was set on a bed, and before I drifted off into dreamland, I heard a soft voice . . .  
  
"I'm sorry . . . "  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So there's the next chappie . . . . ummmm ya . . .  
  
Also, I re-posted chapter two so that it was easier to read, not in one big blob like it was before. AND also, nobody flame me, I know this chapter sucked, but it has it's reasons for its existence . . . the thing with Quentin was pointless and blah but I needed some way to get the plot moving . . . . so yeah . . . .  
  
Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers, I must say that I LOVE reviews and hearing from you people out there, so do not hesitate to give me more than one ^_^ hehehe . . . . yay reviewers!!! Cancan227, tsuonae, Tyster, and Swishy Willow Wand, you guys rule!! And Alex, you too *wink* hehe luv you all, please review this fic, and again sorry for the delay, it WILL be faster now . . . Alex will probably MAKE me go faster lolz!!  
  
So ya . . . 


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